In a perfect world, married couples would grow old together and live out their days happily. In reality, nearly 50 percent of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. The break-up of a marriage is never easy. It’s one of those things in life you think will never happen to you, and until you go through the process, it’s difficult to grasp the emotional, physical and economic consequences. With this in mind, here are some bits of wisdom about divorce, offered by men and women who have experienced this life-changing milestone.
Divorce can feel like a death.
Even if you are the person who wanted the divorce, there’s still a sense of a loss that can feel overwhelming. You’re not only saying goodbye to your soon-to-be ex-spouse, you may be splitting with their family as well. Be prepared to mourn this loss, and don’t be surprised if your ex’s relatives support him or her despite any indiscretions or misbehavior.
Your married friends may drop away.
Friends can be a tremendous support during the divorce process, but one of the biggest complaints from divorced couples is that their married friends stop including them in their social calendar. Whether they are struggling with their own marital issues or don’t want to take sides, it’s important to make new friends and surround yourself with people who care and will listen.
There is no glory to making an unhappy marriage “work”
Divorced people know that there is no shame in the end of a marriage and there are few merits in toughing out a union that is unsatisfying and unhappy. People grow up and change, and when couples realize it is time to move on, there is no point in dragging out a marriage that is poised to fall apart.
You may regret your decision, or at least second guess your choice.
Even the most bitter of break-ups can soften with time. As your ex-partner moves on with his or her life, falls in love or remarries, it’s not unusual to feel momentary pangs of jealousy or regret. You may be focusing solely on the good times with “rose-colored” glasses and lose sight of why your relationship deteriorated.
Divorces can turn very ugly, very fast.
Divorce proceedings can go downhill quickly, when matters like child custody, assets and financial support are contested. Couples who are parting amicably and feel they are above the bickering can be stunned out how feelings of ill-will and resentment can bubble up.
You’ll be a stronger, wiser person.
Moving on with your life without your spouse is a choice, and no matter how the divorce ends, you’ll have gained experience and important life lessons you’ll carry into new relationships.
Divorce attorneys serving New Jersey and New York
Kantrowitz, Goldhamer & Graifman offers highly skilled legal representation to residents of New York and New Jersey in all areas of family law. Our experienced divorce attorneys in Rockland County and Bergen County handle a wide range of issues from alimony and child support to complex asset division. Reach out today for private legal consultation.
Additional Resources on the Divorce Process:
- Thrive Global, What No One Tells You About Divorce https://medium.com/thrive-global/what-no-one-tells-you-about-divorce-e30b200991c2
- Crosswalk.com, 5 Things People Don’t Know about the Pain of Divorce https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/divorce-and-remarriage/5-things-people-don-t-know-about-the-pain-of-divorce.html
- BestLifeOnline, 30 Things Only Divorced People Know https://bestlifeonline.com/things-only-divorced-people-know/
- Today, 10 things I wish I’d known before getting divorced https://www.today.com/health/divorce-10-things-i-wish-id-known-2D80445585