Not many family life experiences can affect you in as many ways as a marital separation. Going from one household to two, transitioning to single parenthood, and the disruption of social support systems can pose challenges to your mental health, relationships, and financial situation. But like many of life’s trials, a positive outlook can improve the end result and make life more manageable in the meantime.
Your divorce lawyer can offer insight into more than just a legal strategy. At Kantrowitz, Goldhamer & Graifman, we have seen firsthand the benefits of maintaining a positive attitude throughout the separation or divorce process.
Maintain your focus
The things on which you focus your attention can impact how you view the rest of your world. Eliminating negative influences where possible leads to a more optimistic attitude about the trials you are going through.
- Turn off the news. The constant stream of bad news can sap your energy and depress your mood.
- Rely on the stabilizing influences in your life. Keep as many of the people, routines, and environments as possible the same as before. Focusing on changes tends to be unsettling, but training your sights on the consistent things will help you feel grounded.
Tend to your emotions
It is not helpful to sweep your emotions under the rug, as this can easily backfire.
- Acknowledge your feelings. The strain of separation often increases stress and negative thoughts. It is okay – and beneficial – to admit the emotions you are experienced. This helps you deal with it and can allow others to assist you as well.
- Grieve. The loss of a relationship may cause a series of experiences like denial, anger, and despair. This is normal. Let yourself feel those things and take comfort knowing that they are part of a normal process, and one day, you will get back to feeling like yourself again.
- Accept help. You do not need to go through this alone. There are likely people ready and willing to help you. Accept the help from friends and family who offer and, if necessary, seek outside help. A religious or spiritual leader may provide helpful insights.
Get other areas of your life in order
Improving or restoring parts of your life that are causing stress can give you a “win” and help you get through the things you have less control over.
- Get organized. From clutter to paperwork to everyday surroundings, when objects are in disarray, it can increase stress. Setting a goal to put things in order – and then following through – induces calmness and also helps you track down the things you will need.
- Improve other areas of your life. It is a good time to improve a part of your life that may have fallen to the back burner. Exercise. Take a cooking class. Commit to get outdoors every day. Focus on getting enough sleep. Nurture a new hobby. Seeing your efforts pay off will infuse other parts of your life with optimism.
- Plan for the future. Housing, routine, and parenting duties may all be changing. Do not feel pressured to make any decisions until you are farther through the emotional recovery but explore your options. Talk to family and friends about potential plans. Consider speaking with a financial adviser about moves that will secure your future.
Get help with your separation
When a marriage comes to an end, it can trigger fear, anxiety, frustration, self-doubt, anger, and plenty of other emotions. There is no one correct experience, but no matter what you are going through, finding a way to remain positive will help you get back to living your life.
Rockland County and Bergen County residents have unlimited opportunities around them. While you are taking advantage of the local resources to maintain your outlook, also reach out to a skilled divorce law firm.
The New York and New Jersey divorce lawyers at Kantrowitz, Goldhamer & Graifman have guided clients through all varieties of separation, from the most amicable to the highly contentious. We are here to help you as well. Call today to schedule a private consultation with our office.